Earth Shine
by tehyabella
Summary: This is Bella's big what if moment... The choice she makes will forever change the course of her life. This is my first Fanfic, so please be gentle. Constructive criticisim is appreciated, Thanks! *MrsZ was my superduper Beta for this one!*


Earthshine is a soft glow on the dark side of the moon caused by the reflection of sunlight from the earth. Specifically, Earthshine happens when the light from the sun is reflected from the Earth's surface, to the moon and then back to our eyes. This is my first fanfic ever. I am Team Jakward so who knows exactly how this story will evolve... I hope you like it. It begins in New Moon in what would be the day before the infamous cliff dive. All points marked *** are exerts from the book and owned by S.M., I am only referencing them in my story to show the placement in time.

BPOV:

There I sat, legs crossed, leaning back on my arms, at the perfect angle to see the sun slowly setting in the distance. The waves tumbled back and forth, complementing the relaxing atmosphere. Jacob and I were sitting in the grass just before the pebble ridden beach line in La Push. We had been resting here in comfortable silence for what may have been an hour, soaking up the sun that had decided to peak out of the clouds.

My mind was drifting trying to avoid thinking about anything but how peaceful and relaxed the moment was. The rarity of this moment was not lost on me as I focused on the sun heating my face. Although it may very well have been my company's radiating heat as well.

Jacob was stretched out next to me, resting on one extended arm, and slowly running his other hand over the tall grass repeatedly. The sun made his beautiful russet skin almost glisten, and a breeze made his shaggy hair fall, sweeping across his deep alluring eyes. His brow was slightly creased and I knew he was worrying about something. His eyes shifted towards me and my favorite smile stretched across his face.

"What?" he asked somewhat arrogantly.

I felt the blush on my neck rising, I hadn't realized I was staring.

"I think it's about time for a trim." I brushed the hair away from his face, and then leaned my head against his shoulder to hide my slight embarrassment at my gawking. I ignored his chuckles. "What's got you so worried, Jake?"

"I was just thinking about the pack..." I could sense his concern as his smile faded.

"What is it? Can't decide who's going to actually wear a shirt this week?" I teased and nudged his side.

"Oh yeah, Bells, we wouldn't wanna catch anybody staring now would we?" He laughed and nudged me back. The faint blush I had was now a full-on fire across my cheeks and I dug my face farther into his chest. He laughed again knowing he'd won that one.

"Actually, we're growing... or have grown I guess."

"You mean you guys are getting taller?"

Jacob snickered shaking his head, "No, there are just more of us..." His laughter faded. "It just doesn't make sense. Why is it still happening now? And how did the elders not know this was possible."

"What's possible? The pack is growing?"

"Well that's part of what we don't understand... But that's a smaller issue..." Jacob looked back out towards the drifting sunset.

"What's the bigger issue?" I was confused, how could there be something more worrisome than all these innocent boys being subjected to this mythical world.

"It's Leah..."

"Leah Clearwater?"

"Yup." His lips popped at the end.

"Okay, so is she causing problems for Sam and Emily?"

"Not yet... but it's inevitable I'm sure."

"Alright I give. What could an unpleasant, average girl like Leah do to a pack of werewolves to get you so worried?" I smiled as he raised his eyebrow, daring me to think it would be nothing.

"Oh, I don't know... maybe that she's starting to show signs of _changing..._?"

"Changing? What? Like menopause or something?" Jacob just stared at me. Apparently I was off the mark... so what did he mean? I thought about it for a minute and my mouth dropped open as the realization hit me...

He doubled over in laughter, "The look... on your... face! Priceless!"

"Jacob Black, are you serious? Leah Clearwater is going to be a werewolf?... How is that possible?"

He finally managed to contain his amusement. "Yes I'm serious. And that was my question, remember? The elders are just as shocked as we are; our legends have given us nothing about a girl wolf, so this will be a first. It could happen any day now..."

"Wow... I guess that is a lot to take in."

"Sure, sure. She knows its coming. Seth started showing signs when she did. And boy is she pissed. I have a feeling it's got more to do with knowing about Sam than about her baby brother being sucked into it all. But that's the excuse she's using..."

"Seth too!"

"Yeah, he already changed, just this week. He's happy about it... I think the kids gotta few screws missing myself, because once he found out it was all true he was thrilled."

I could tell by the look on his face now that there was more. "I thought you said after Quil changed he would be the last? What's causing it now?" I knew what caused the change, vampires. But the Cullen's had been gone for months. Why was it still happening?

"Let's talk about it all later. I don't wanna be a wolf right now; I just wanna sit here with you and enjoy the sunset."

We were both quiet for a minute. I stared out at the breathtaking view; the sun was halfway visible reflecting its peach and gold colors off of the gentle waters, casting a lavender colored shade into the thin clouds. I snuggled against his broad chest as we sat until the sky darkened. It was now twilight. I wrapped my arms around my chest as a chill ran through my body. Jacob must have noticed and assumed it was due to the evening air.

"Come on let's go grab the bikes and get you home." He stood up and offered me his hand, pulling me to my feet. He held it tightly, even after I was standing, and we walked to my truck.

We drove to the road along the cliffs where we had parked our bikes earlier in the evening. I kept one arm around my chest hoping to keep the pain away until I was home. Jacob sensed my need to be distracted from my thoughts as we got out of the truck.

..."didn't I promise you cliff diving?"

I shivered.

"Yeah it'll be pretty cold- not as cold as it is today. Can you feel the weather changing? The pressure? It will be warmer tomorrow. You up for it?"

The dark water did not look inviting, and, from this angle, the cliffs looked even higher than they did before.

But it had been days since I'd heard Edwards voice. That was probably part of the problem. I was addicted to the sound of my delusions. It made things worse if I went too long without them. Jumping off a cliff was certain to remedy the situation.

"Sure, I'm up for it. Fun."

"It's a date," he said, and draped his arm around my shoulders.

"Okay- now let's get you some sleep." I didn't like the way the circles under his eyes were beginning to look permanently etched onto his skin.

I woke the next morning the same as every other morning, screaming. But this nightmare was not the same as the others. In this hell I was not alone or wandering. I was simply sitting there with Jacob enjoying the sunset on First beach. Slowly Jacob leans in as if he's about to kiss me, I look straight into his dark beautiful eyes. The depth of emotion in them sends an electric sensation through me. As he places his right hand on my cheek I close my eyes and he whispers, "I love you, Bells, that's all that matters...You belong with me, we belong together. He..." he paused suddenly.

I opened my eyes wishing I knew how to make him continue his thoughts, but Jacob was gone. In his place stood a large russet colored wolf crouching down in front of me, as it lowered into a protective stance. The wolf bared its teeth and a fierce growl erupted from deep inside its monstrous chest, the sound vibrating through all of my now frozen body. And there, just yards away standing in the shadows, I could see him, Edward.

Anger was etched into his perfect face as he crouched down, preparing to spring. Confused and scared I stumbled backwards, tripping over a small piece of beach wood. Turning to catch myself, I landed face first in the frigid water, I tried to right myself, but I could no longer feel the weight of my body as I thrashed and was pulled deeper and deeper. When I could no longer see any light, my lungs started burning, begging for more air. My body cramped from my struggles and I screamed out for help. That's when I awoke alone and shivering, gasping for air.

Great now even my dreams were trying to blur the lines of my friendship with Jacob. And why was he there, angry and ready to attack? None of it made any sense. Edward would never physically hurt me, emotionally maybe, but none of the Cullens were capable of harming a human physically. They weren't monsters. Urrgh, the entire nightmare was infuriating. Like Edward had a reason to be angry, he left me; I was the one that should be angry.

And Jacob, why did the lines always have to be so blurry with him. Why did I suddenly feel like they were blurry to me? I wanted to know what he was going to say, I wasn't even telling him to stop. What did that even mean? And, the part that was the most infuriating was I was going cliff diving today. Finally I had a chance to be completely and totally reckless, and I had just dreamed I was drowning. What was wrong with me?

I jumped out of bed, irritated and angry. I gathered my clothes and my toiletry bag and headed off to the bathroom to get ready. A nice hot shower was sure to calm me. As I waited for the hot water I decided I was mostly maddened at the thought of Edward. I know it was just a dream, well nightmare, but still why was he so angry? And knowing he would never hurt me made me realize the only other person he could have been getting ready to attack was Jacob.

My body was shaking I was so furious. What had Jacob ever done to him? It couldn't be because Jacob was a werewolf; Sam was only one of those in Forks while the Cullens were here. Jacob was still just my friend... still just my friend... why had I thought that?

That's all Jacob was now, my friend, my best friend. He was there to keep me whole when the emptiness in my chest would ache. He was the one trying to save me from Victoria, by carelessly risking his own life to hunt down a sadistic vampire. He was my personal sun, the only one that could warm my heart whenever the clouds started to darken, my Jacob was always there. He loved me even though I was broken.

The hot shower was enough to calm me down and clear my mind enough to decide it was just another stupid nightmare. It was probably something to do with all the time alone I was spending, pacing the beach in La Push. While my best friend and his brothers hunted down the crazed, obsessed vampire that was stalking my every move.

I was also upset because of the lack of delusions I needed so badly. That's why I was so angry at Edward. Once again he had left me. I thought he cared about me, he may not love me, but he did care about me. I was never enough to hold him, why would he care now months after he had decided I wasn't enough? It wasn't anger on his face in my nightmare; it was just disgust and boredom.

As I stepped out of the shower the tears began falling slowly. Why do I insist on crying over him? So I wasn't enough for an angel like him, I knew that from the beginning. I knew there was no way he could love me the way that I loved him, he was perfect and beautiful, and I'm just plain and clumsy. How could anyone love me the way that I loved him?

Tears still pouring down my face, I dressed for the day in faded blue jeans and a black tank top. I ran my brush through my wet tangled hair then braided it at the nape of my neck. I took one look in the mirror and lost myself in sobs as I sank to the floor by the mirror. Plain, that's all I was. My reflection in the mirror confirmed all of my assumptions.

The phone rang. I was sure it was Jacob, but I couldn't find the strength to pull it together and go downstairs to answer the phone. _Pathetic Bella_... I was sitting there, having my own personal pity party. The tears came faster now. I was gasping for air as I wrapped my arms around my chest, trying to hold together all the broken pieces that were threatening to crumble. I sobbed into my knees as the phone started ringing again. I rolled onto the hardwood floor wishing I could control this pain. I needed Jacob. If I could just answer the phone he would come. He always came, he was my life vest.

More tears streaked down my face, and the sobbing became louder as I thought of Jacob. He loved me so much, he loved me the way I wanted to be loved. And all I could do was string him along. I hadn't been able to return the love the way he wanted or deserved, but he never complained. He just kept on being my Jacob, my sun. No matter how plain and pathetic I was, Jacob was always there to cheer me up with his warm infectious smile.

The hole in my chest rippled and my sobs became hysterics. Thank god no one was here to see this, crying over nothing, letting some stupid nightmare bring me so far down into this depressing abyss. The hysterics passed but the tears and broken sobs continued as I lay there curled up on the cold, hard floor clutching at my empty chest. Suddenly I heard someone knock downstairs.

"Bells, are you home?" Jacob called.

I ignored him, yet I needed him, I needed him so much, I couldn't bear the thought of him seeing me like this, not again. _Poor Bella, _I was crying because I had believed the impossible, that someone so perfect could love her. Crying because Jacob loved her and all I could do was to tell him, over and over, without saying the words, that he wasn't enough... _Why can't I fight off this pain_? Then my door opened with a loud bang, as it hit the wall.

"Bells, thank God! I was worried when you hadn't made it to my house, and wouldn't answer the phone... Then I saw your truck, so I knocked, and when you didn't answer...then I could hear crying and... oh, Bella, honey.''

"I'm sorry Jake... I didn't mean to worry you,'' I mumbled, my voice catching in my throat, as the tears continued down my face. Jacob cradled me and sat me on the bed, wrapping his warm arms around me keeping the pieces of me from shattering.

"It's okay, Bells, honey, shhh...'' he repeated as he held me tight against his bare chest, letting my tears run down him as he gently rubbed his hands along my back. I could feel his lips in my hair. The tears slowed and I could breathe again. What would I ever do without Jacob?

We sat there in silence as I regained my composure. I finally lifted my head off his chest and looked up at him. There was nothing but love and concern in his eyes. After being lost in his gaze for an immeasurable moment I finally broke the silence.

"Thanks Jake, for everything... I don't know what I did to deserve a friend like you...''

His stunning eyes hardened slightly as I spoke those words. Then I realized that I had once again, in not so many words, told him that he was still not enough to hold my heart the way he irrationally wanted to. I couldn't cause him pain like that anymore, not after the dream and emotional breakdown I had just endured. Something seemed to change since the last time I had drifted to sleep. The intense anger I had toward Edward and the undeniable urge to question my relationship with Jacob.

I wasn't sure if this would tear him up further or destroy me completely, but I had to start making changes if I ever wanted out of this miserable and sinister hole my life had become. And the best way out of any dark situation was to follow the light. Jacob was my light, my sun. He could lead me out. If there was any way possible, Jacob could fix me.

I leaned into his chest again as he tightened his arms around me. I lifted my head slightly and pressed my now trembling lips against the soft, russet skin of Jacobs's neck. He stiffened as his body became ridged next to mine. He had changed his mind, I was too late. The hole in my chest quivered as it threatened to rip me apart.

I kept my head down as Jacob started, "Bells, I ... um, should I move... I mean, am I making you uncomfortable? Because I know you don't love me the same, but I swear I don't mind. I was scared something happened to you, then I saw that you were so upset, and I'm just so relieved that you're safe and ..."

"Jake, why would you think you were making me uncomfortable?''

"Your lips are trembling like you're scared, and you were suddenly so stiff, I thought maybe I was...You know, overstepping the 'friend' line. I didn't mean to, I...'' his voice almost shaking with concern.

I must have been shaking so bad he didn't even realize that I had just kissed him; I took a deep breath to calm down. I looked up to reassure him, and his dark beautiful eyes locked with mine again, my heart skipped a beat. Then he looked down slightly and released me automatically.

"Wait! Wait, just a minute...'' my voice raised an octave higher.

Butterflies assaulted my stomach. I knew what I wanted to do, what I needed to do. But my body was frozen, my breath halted as my mind raced to decide the fate of my incomplete world. My hands abruptly became clammy. All of the feeling was gone from my head down. I could do this; I could be the person he deserved. I could give him as much of my heart as there was remaining. He knows I'm broken, he can fix me. There won't be a need to explain it all now. He would understand later. The thunderous pulsing of my heart rang in my ears, accelerating as each second ticked by. I closed my eyes and gulped in a large gasp of air; slowly opening my eyes to meet his as I finally said what I had felt had trapped inside for my entire life.

"I love you, Jacob,'' I said simply, as my heart abruptly stalled.

His eyes glistened as they met mine and, he smiled his brilliant smile. My heart stuttered again.

"You know I love you too, Bells.''

And that was my opening. _Just do it_... If there was anyone in this world I could trust in such a vulnerable moment it would be Jacob. Trust him was the last thought that crossed my mind. I took my shaky hands and rested them on the sides if his face, and with another staggering heart beat and a ragged breath I leaned forward crashing my lips into his.

He sat frozen for all of two seconds, and then I finally felt his hands gently press against my back. He kissed me back softly, slowly. The feel of his soft, warm lips sent a violent shock through my dormant heart. My pulse quickened as I moved my hands back and wrapped my arms around his neck.

He pulled me closer and I could feel the heat radiating off of his body. His hands rubbed from side to side on my back, causing goose bumps along my spine. I intensified the kiss and felt my heart palpitate as his hand slid to my right hip, slowly moving up my side and over my ribs. I shivered as his fingertips grazed my shoulders, curling inward just at my collar bone so that his fingernails led the way up my neck. His hand stretched at my ear, he placed his thumb on my jaw and his fingers found their way into my hair. Again my heart was jolted with another shock, my breath caught in my throat.

He arched me back supporting all my weight. My fingers grabbed at his neck, kneading into his soft, feverish skin. My left hand released him and my fingers slowly ventured upward, stopping at his hard jaw line. My fingertips slowly reached until they had found his chin. Gradually they ran straight down his throat and onto his rippling muscular chest, feeling the unyielding muscles protruding out, and covered by his sweltering, russet skin. The kiss slowed until he finally removed his lips only inches from mine.

My body was still resting, arched into his strong muscular arms. I opened my eyes and couldn't help but smile, ignoring my jagged heart beat and heavy breathing. His eyes, deeper than I had ever seen them, scrunched together as his contagious smile lit up his beautiful face.

Suddenly his face hardened, fear blazing in his eyes.

Did he regret that wonderful moment? Did I do something wrong? Fast enough to take my breath away I was upright, Jacobs arm extended to keep me balanced but his body turned completely facing towards the window.

"No!'' Jake snarled.

"What... what is it Jake?''

"Did I do something wrong?'' I mumbled.

"No, it's the pack. We have to go! Now, Bells! We have to hurry!''

I stood frozen, not comprehending the words Jacob was yelling. Jacob swept me off of my feet and tossed me over his shoulder. He carried me out of my room, down the stairs, and out the front door to my truck before my mind finally registered what was happening.

My head was spinning as Jacob tossed me into the passenger seat of my truck.

One of the pack members was sounding the alarm.

I could hear a wolf faintly howling in the distance. That could only mean one thing, vampire. A vampire was in Forks, I was in Forks. Still I had to ask, my mind was already in a panic. I needed to know for sure before the fear completely froze me.

"Jake, what is it? What's happening?'' It was barely a whisper. I was so scared.

"Victoria,'' he growled the name.

I felt dizzy. I was going to lose my cool soon. It wasn't just any vampire; it was the one that wanted me. In my head Laurent's voice echoed. 'If you knew what she had planned for you'... Tears formed in my eyes.

"Where are we going," I asked as we sped down the street.

"I've gotta get you to La Push! You'll be safe there. Billy will be home, and I'm sure Sam will send someone to guard you. You'll never be left alone for a second. I promise, Bells, I'll keep you safe. We all will."

As soon as he spoke the words I knew they were true. I felt a slight relief knowing that the pack would protect me, but my biggest fear, the thought that someone I cared for would be endangered, was enough to keep the tears flowing. That thought was enough to cause my throat to tighten and make it hard to speak.

"I know you will...'' My voice cracked on the last word, "but who'll protect all of you?'' I muttered so quietly that I was sure he couldn't have heard, but he did.

"Bells, come on. Don't worry about us. The only person you should be worried about is yourself. Your safety is the most important thing. We were made for this; we know what we're doing, so don't you dare waste your energy worrying about us."

We were both quiet then. I couldn't tell what was going through Jacob's mind. He was wearing the face that reminded me so much of Sam. How could I not worry though? If anything happened to them it would kill me. They were all just kids, aside from Sam. Regardless, I couldn't live with myself if any of them were hurt or killed; I shuddered to think of the latter. How could they possibly know how to defeat Victoria?

We were crossing into La Push; I could just see the first little cottage when I noticed a flash of red in the trees. I gasped loudly and closed my eyes. _You're just being paranoid, Bella. Victoria could never make it this close to the reservation, the pack wouldn't allow it_. I turned towards Jacob and opened my eyes. He was trembling, breathing very deeply, and his knuckles were white where he was gripping the steering wheel.

"Damn it!'' His voice was dark and severe

Suddenly my truck was moaning in protest as he floored it. The engine groaning as we sped closer to Billy's.

"Come on...come on!'' he shouted as he pushed the truck faster.

Fear froze me again. I knew Jake was in a hurry, but he suddenly looked frightening. His face hardened into a fierce scowl. His eyes tightened into dark slits and his mouth twitched, exposing his teeth. I could hear a rumble deep in his chest with every breath. The truck continued whining in protest.

"J-J-Jake,'' I stuttered.

He continued to glare out the windshield, never once taking his eyes off our surroundings.

"Bells, I need you listen to me," he said in a dark, menacing voice. "As soon as the truck stops I need you to run to the house, don't look back, just keep running, get inside, and lock the doors. Do not come out until I come back for you! Can you do that for me?'' he said through clenched teeth.

Barely able to speak I nodded my head and told him, "Yes.''

"Tell me what's happening Jake!''

"Just do what I say Bells, please. When I say go, just run.''

I could see Billy's house now, but Jake showed no signs of slowing down. The closer we got the stiffer my body became. My right foot pressed harder and harder into the floor board, as if I had an imaginary brake pedal.

"Jake!''

Abruptly Jacob slammed on the brakes cutting the wheel to the left fish-tailing the truck. Dust rolled around us and gravel flew. I could barely see. As the truck continued to skid I caught a glimpse of the house flying directly towards my door.

"Now, Bella! Run!'' Jacob roared.

As my hand grabbed the handle I heard a ferocious growl, and the sound of a metallic screech. I stumbled out into the thick blanket of dust, tripping just as my feet touched the ground. As I staggered back to my feet I could see pieces of blue and white fabric fluttering to the ground where the driver-side door should be, and a large brown blur flash away from my truck.

I bolted as fast as I could towards the house, catching my foot on the steps and plummeting into a monstrous sand-colored wolf. I jumped back and fought a scream rising in my throat. As soon as I realized what I had collided with, Seth- at least I assumed it was Seth- moved his head towards the door and stepped out to crouch in front of the doorway.

I hurried into the house, locking the deadbolt quickly and immediately staggered to the window. Just then, I noticed four large images slowly creeping out of the tree line. The pack... I still wasn't too sure of whom each wolf was, but Seth, was just outside the door. It looked like maybe Sam, Embry, Jared, and Paul were lurking towards the field. Had they destroyed her already? Was she finally unable to continue to hunt me? Would the pack be safe now? Where was Jacob? Jacob would have known if they had killed her, he had phased when we arrived. Panic filled me. Where was Jacob and why were there three wolves spread out about fifty yards from the house? I had to know what was happening.

I opened the door and heard a low growl as Seth warned me to stay inside.

"What's happening? Is Jacob okay? I have to know. Please, Seth, tell me what's going on...''

From the porch I could see the open field to my left, just before the tree line. There, barely visible between the trees, stood an enormous black wolf, an equally large russet- brown wolf, and... Victoria. Jacob and Sam were circling her. Ferocious growls exploded from all the wolves, except Seth, who turned to glare at me. My hand rose to my mouth, as it dropped, and a whoosh of air shot out of my lungs. Sam's eyes met mine for only a second then returned to Victoria. A menacing hiss echoed and my heart sank as the two wolves lowered to spring. A sharp bark sounded and Victoria leaped towards Jacob.

"No!'' I tried to scream, horrified. But only a small gush of air pushed through my lips, making it soft as a whisper. Just as my legs buckled Seth's head shoved me back into the house. I collapsed on the floor, clutching at my chest. The empty hole rippled and the pain overcame me. Terrified, I reached up to lock the door, as Jacob had said.

"No! No! No! Jacob, please don't leave me!'' I sobbed repeatedly. A howl sounded from a distance. This was too much. Unexpectedly I wondered why the pain was here now... It was Jacob in danger. This had never been the pain I had for Jacob. Had he touched my heart so that losing him would compare to the pain of losing Edward? The pain intensified, my chest aching at the thought of him outside at this very moment, and how I may never see him again.

The tears poured down my face as I lay there gasping for air, weeping. ''No, Jacob, I need you... I love you Jacob, please...no!''

I heard a thunderous pounding at the door... Bang, Bang, Bang...

I screamed as I pulled myself behind the chair, curling my knees to my chin. At that moment the door crashed open, breaking at the hinges. I tried to scream again, but couldn't find my lungs. I scooted back franticly to the wall, looking up to see four familiar faces.

"Bella, are you all right?'' someone practically shouted. I think it was Embry...

"Bells!" Jacob shouted, as he and Sam pushed their way past their brothers.

Fear was etched on all of their faces.

"Jake!'' I gasped.

Relief sank through me as I ran my eyes over him, seeing no injuries. He fell to his knees in front of me and wrapped his arms around me, holding me too tight, as always. I could finally breathe.


End file.
